11:26 san surfen 0 Comments

Sometimes the most trivial things can bring to light these parts of you that you didn't know still existed. For instance, yesterday when my boyfriend told me he wanted to get some special card game that he used to play when he was in junior high, I got all weird about the idea. He had good memories associated with that game, and I only knew one person, who used to play it and well... I wasn't very keen on that person to say the least.

He got his deck of cards and I got even more odd.

I made him upset, I knew I did. But I was so into my own story of 'I don't get it' that I couldn't bring myself to think clearly again. I felt weird. Judgmental. There was a block in me, resisting the experience, because of a memory from when I was a teenager and didn't know better. I was even more weirded out by the fact that I was feeling that way. It was so out of my character, yet in that moment I was that judgmental 15 year old that I used to be and I couldn't shake it. I felt bad. I was angry on myself for behaving like a complete freak of nature and ruining that for him. It was only a deck of cards, for f's sake.

He went home and I was on my way for the rehearsal still surprised by the amount of negative emotions I was experiencing. So I got into a conversation with myself. Why was I feeling that way? Why couldn't I react like the current version of me, not like the teenage one? I decided to choose again. Like the person I am today.

Whenever you find yourself wandering off the path of your choosing, you can always come back on it. Whether it's an argument with your friend, feeling of anger towards a stranger for spilling coffee on your new shoes, or a negative association from the past, you have the power to choose again and change your reaction.

Negative feelings disappeared. I forgave myself for my behavior. I chose peace. And apologized.

Honestly, I wouldn't even be surprised if I liked that thing myself.

Hope it serves you,

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